Difficult times ahead

I must confess to a feeling a little nervousness when I wake up every morning. Any time I look further down the road than the day ahead, the week ahead, I start feeling very uncomfortable. I see difficult times coming. The economy is bad; I need to find a job. I feel very nervous about teaching, even though I would like to have my own classroom and I love educating youth. I simply feel the future is more uncertain than I'd really contemplated before.

However, it has really become an exercise in trusting my God more and more. I live with a man who trusts completely in the sovereignty of God. Even in little hypothetical conversations, such as one I initiated a few weeks ago ("Do you have a preference on whether we have a boy or girl first?"), his response immediately points out that the Father is in control: "It's really not up to us, is it?"

No. No, it's not up to us (though that wasn't the point of the exercise, it was more a curiosity). Neither is a wide variety of things. And I admit, I am very glad that life is not as up to chance as many people believe, but that there is Someone who is in control and knows exactly what He's doing and can provide my every need. Consider Matthew 7. Does He not dress the lilies of the field far better than Solomon's court? And if He takes care of these, which are here today and burned tomorrow, would He not take much more care of the creation He's patterned after His own heart, His own image? Um, yes.

It's not a new exercise to me: looking forward and just having to trust that all will come out alright. What if the economy gets worse? What can happen? What will happen? Doesn't today have enough pressure of its own? Questions can (and sometimes do) swim around in my mind until they create a veritable whirlpool and there goes my veritgo.

Which, again, brings me back to my husband. Yes, difficult times are ahead, but he sets such a good example to me. We've begun praying together every morning before he leaves for work, even if it's only five minutes. And every morning he prays that we will be wise with our money and that we will trust in His provision. He has note cards with Scriptures written on them on our coffee table and he has a book he's purchased to put combine them in. I pick them up and read them every morning and am so grateful that my husband, the head of my family, has these things rattling around in his head each day. I'm thankful that he, who stresses over little, puts up with me, who stresses over everything. But even more so, I'm thankful that he sets such a good example in complete faith in a sovereign Provider who will indeed see to our needs. Even if life becomes more precarious. It bolsters my confidence. It reminds me to be faithful.

Does the Lord provide? Yes, indeed. He has provided for me.


(And to anyone who might read this post and jump to conclusions, children are not among my concerns. The above quoted conversation was simply out of curiosity brought on because of friends who actually are expecting. I'm not expecting anything in that quarter. Just need to be clear.)

Crazy thoughts rumbling around in my head

One of my passions is Bible study. The Bible fascinates me. How can it not? The stories are amazing, and the truths profound. What is not amazing about seeing God's plan for humanity unfold? And part of that passion is making it accessible and interesting to students.

And one ambition now rattling around in my head is the idea of writing studies for students. I would love, especially, to take the Pentateuch (first five books) and make them accessible and interesting to students. How many times I've heard youth moan over Numbers and Leviticus, and I don't know how many ever made it to Deuteronomy! I would love to find a way to show students how relevant and fascinating these books are. Granted, it's not easy reading Leviticus in one fell swoop, or Deuteronomy, or even the genealogies of Numbers (though you gotta give some of the stories and blessings in Numbers credit!).

But I have one problem: lack of confidence. Please note that above making the Bible accessible and interesting to youth is a passion, not a talent. I can see how if you know me you might find it easy to follow along with me, even though I get a little crazy and excited, but what if you don't? I'm not good with demographics and trends and playing to the "it" attitude of youth. I'm just me, and I just love the Bible, and all the glib advertising for youth ministry resources makes me feel that that is not enough.

It requires much prayer and forethought. And who knows? Maybe I will write it anyway for the fun of it and just not worry about it seeing the light of day...

I'm back, and I'm married.

On December 31, 2008, I married. And along with the many, many benefits to marriage, one of them is cable internet (which is a revolution for someone limping along on dial-up for the past 4.5 months). So I hope to come back to this blog and keep it updated, as I've found I rather have missed writing in it.

As for the wedding... It gets its own entry. Which will have to wait until a time at which I can do it justice. (I forsee opportunity for that, as my slate is pretty open the next few weeks.) I will say, however, that it was far better than anything I had imagined. At one point during the ceremony, I had to stop myself and remind myself, "This is your ceremony. This is your wedding; it's really happening." And I was overcome by how perfect it was and God's blessings to me. Included in those blessings are my parents, Steve and Cyndie, and my in-laws, Jan and Earl. We certainly couldn't have had such a beautiful and perfect wedding without them. My gratitude actually knows no words. People say that kind of thing often, but it's true: I really can't find the words to tell them how much I appreciate all the work they did and the generosity they showed us. It's phenomenal.

But for now, this is my official return to the blog, and it's good to be back. :)