Writing

Once upon a time, I wished to be a writer. Once upon a time, I thought I actually might be able to be one, too. But, over the years, a variety of experiences and comments have worked to kill that particular dream. I now have a permanent "writer's block". It's okay: I was only ever able to occasionally turn out a nice turn of phrase, and nothing more. But sometimes, a good story, a good line, dredges up the old desire. I have a friend from college who makes even the most ordinary of daily events sing through her words. I wish I had her capablities; she laments ever being able to produce anything wonderful, and her blog makes me crave the ability to really write. This blog is probably the most I'll ever produce on the writing front, and it's not exactly a bastion of good writing. But at least, here, it provides an outlet for the desire to write, to communicate, and simply put thoughts into words. Perhaps that's enough.

Thanks Giving

Things that I am thankful for:

• a wonderful husband who fills my days with laughter and love and who is an excellent example of a good, godly Christian man
• a beautiful baby girl who, at the moment of this writing, has the hiccups, again
• two very generous parents who have opened their home to us and by doing so are making it possible for us to pursue some goals
• a wonderful family of in-laws that have from day one made me feel a part of them!
• my sister and her family of boys who make me smile every time I talk to them or see them
• my brother, whom I never see often enough
• the opportunity to be involved with the youth of our church and who inspire me to walk more closely to God because I know they're watching
• the best set of friends I never knew I could have, even when they are flung across the world
• a good and loving Lord who watches over me and my family and provides for our needs and teaches me about the kind of woman I want Him to mold me to be
  

Surrender

Sunday was our first back at church after Eliza's birth. Sadly, I didn't get to hear much of what was apparently a very good sermon as she began to fuss and I left to care for her, only to realize I didn't have everything I needed. (Hey, I'm still learning!) However, I was able to enjoy a time of worship with my local body of believers, and one song in particular really touched Nick and I.

Part of the set this weekend was "Surrender". This is not the "I Surrender All" hymn, though I love that, too. It's a contemporary worship song, who wrote it I don't know. But the chorus repeats this refrain: "And I surrender all to you, all to you." The song talks about letting go of what the world holds dear, our own dreams and rights, everything for God. This song touched me during the long summer I prayed over my feelings for Nick and asked God's will to be done in our lives, because many times I had to surrender my desire for a relationship with him while I waited to see what both God and Nick wanted. It has touched me since, just in recognizing my need to be submissive to God and His will. But yesterday, the words of this prayer took on an even deeper meaning. I found tears coursing down my face as I realized I now also have to surrender my daughter to Him: her well-being, her very life and her eternity. How hard that is! She is just over a week old, so precious, and I love her so much. It's hard to place her into the hands of another, even One who is mighty and good and wise and able to do more for her and care for her so much better than I. It was hard to sing the words and mean them, and I was determined I would not sing that prayer unless I could truly mean it.

I turned my head at one point and discovered Nick was going through a similar experience: tears were on his cheeks, too. We have discussed out intention to take Eliza before the church and dedicate her to the Lord, and how we really need to dedicate her, not go through the motions. But I think we realized that morning, worshipping in church, holding hands, that we could not and should not wait to do it publicly, and also how deeply it goes to actually do it. We needed to be able to surrender our child to the Lord right there and then, and consistently, every day, for the rest of her life. By the end of the song I was able to sing those words and mean them, to surrender her to God, but it wasn't easy.

I thank God for this man I am raising my daughter with, and how seriously he takes his responsibility as a father and a spiritual guide. I thank God for His eternal goodness and how I can truly trust Him with the life and well-being of my daughter. I thank Him for the opportunity to raise her and love her. But I thank Him also for upholding me as I enter into the joys and difficulties of motherhood. I can do no better than surrender all to Him.

Late, Great Announcement!

Announcing the arrival of Miss Elizabeth Jane Kemper! Miss Eliza was born Saturday, Novemeber 14 at 11:10 pm. She weighed 7lbs and 14oz and measured 20.5 inches long. She has a FULL head of hair! Long fingers, long toes, a pert little mouth.... She's pretty cute.

For the most part, I think anyone who reads this blog has already gotten that info from Facebook or from church, or from any variety of venues. After all, the news is nearly a week old. One thing Nick and I are working on is getting a drive for our photo card so we can upload pictures. Hopefully it will happen this weekend, and then I can post a picture. Stay tuned!

Today's To-Do List

• Two walks (one morning, one afternoon)
• cleaning and packing [for storage] at the condo
• grocery shopping
• filling out a form Nick handed me on his way out the door
• quiet time
• dropping books off at the library

Wouldn't it be nice to put "have my baby" on there?

Waiting not so patiently

I think a friend of mine nailed it on the head when she commented that we humans have to be pregnant nine months, otherwise we'd never be willing to go through the pain of delivery after just eight months. By the end of the ninth, however, we're willing to do whatever to get the baby out!

I wish I could say I was handling these last few days of anticipation with grace and dignity. I'm not. I wake-up every night to go to the bathroom or take some antacids or simply to rollover to alleviate pain in my hands, hips, or pelvic region, and think to myself, "How much longer can this go on???" I'm tired of having to be pushed out of bed by my husband or heaving myself out. I can't wait for it to be a simple operation to change positions or turn around while sitting rather than a major production. I look forward to having normal feeling in my fingers. I've forgotten what my feet should look like. And all the while, I give a hard look at my tummy and think, "What is taking her so long!"

I've had lots of wonderful advice from friends about "enjoying this time" as it will be "the last you get to..." fill in the blank. Sleep in. Take a nap when you want to. Have Nick to yourself. I would gladly follow all that advice that I can, and try to! But it's hard to enjoy it when you hurt, you're uncomfortable, and you have to leave off snuggling when you're interrupted, not by your kid, but that pesky acid reflux.

Physically, it seems like "all systems are go". We're missing only two ingredients: contractions and water-breaking, which by all accounts can begin out of nowhwere. So, I have to admit, it seems like she's the one not ready for this. I wonder if I'll have to teach her that, at least in our American culture, being early is a good thing?

Happy Wedding Day!

Today I'm wishing happy congratulations and all the best to my sister-in-law and new brother-in-law, Josiah and Andrea Engstrom. It was a great wedding, and Jan and Winter and Josiah's mom (now known by some as Nana Kat) did a beautiful job with the decorations. The big surprise was that Andrea sang a song to her groom: man, that girl can sing!

Also, I'm wishing my friend Beth happy congrats on her marriage to Matt. I hope it's a long, happy, and fulfilling marriage.

All the best to both couples!

All Moved In... Kind of

Nick and I are now official inhabitants at my parents' house! We have furniture in our room, clothes in the closet, things in the shower, and have spent a running total of three nights here. It's a little strange at first: being back in my parents' house, but this time with my husband along side. I felt like we were just staying the weekend. I ask for permission to get something out of the fridge (something I didn't do even when we came over for a meal or something). Today, I plan to go back to the condo with Mom to do some cleaning and gather a few more things that I'd like to bring along to make this place feel more like "home". Still, I doubt I'll be bringing too much knick-knacky stuff: it will just create clutter.

The process of cleaning out the condo may be a long one, unless we get in some renters or something. I'm praying we might be able to do that soon, but we shall see. The Lord has a plan, and I am just waiting for it to work out! But I hope it won't be long...

So, now that we're settled, the only thing that remains, really, to prepare for Eliza's arrival is the installation of her carseat in the back of my car. It's sitting in the backseat, taking up loads of room (not that it won't when it's installed). We just have to get it buckled-in, and then maybe inspected if we don't go into labor the next inspection day (the day before we're due).

Another doctor's appointment today. Hopefully we'll get good news on progress... :)