It is both a long time and no time at all. Only three months until the arrival of baby Elizabeth... I don't know if I should put a happy exclamation on the end or a freaked-out question mark!
I'm sure that this is no new feeling to first-time expectant mothers. It seems, at least among my pool of child-bearing friends, that with the second, it is more an anticipation for the arrival and the end of pregnancy than any concerns about another little life coming into the world. Lucky, blessed "old-timers." They've done this all before. But for me, this is new, this is first, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. (Are we ever really ready for it? We all know the answer.)
So, yes, mid-November seems so very far away. Especially as I'm aching for the fall more and more as August progresses and the cooler weather and crisp happy days of October seem to take longer to get here. Please, do not mention cider or cider doughnuts around this pregnant woman. I may not in actuality crave them (though, cider, yes, I very likely do...), but I crave everything they represent, my favorite time of year. Is it time for harvest pies yet? What about the time when hot chocolate or hot chai is comforting and warming rather than causing a sweat? If October seems so very far away, then surely November stretches even further beyond my reach. Will it ever get here? And the ache for fall is also combined with a burning curiosity to see my child. What will she look like? Will she have Nick's eyes? My nose? Whose cheeks will she inherit (because we must admit mine, even as an adult, are rather round)? Will she have Nick's long frame or my stumpy one? (I apologize, but I can find no other word that so well sums up my short and big-boned stature.) Will she be a quiet baby? Will she be fussy or stubborn or hot-tempered? More and more of these questions pop up in my brain as the day approaches.
But then... we're not ready. I have no bed for her to sleep in. I have no bottles, no binkies, no diapers. No baby shampoo, no baby nail clippers, no high chair, no play pen. The poor child will be naked until sometime closer to March as we have no newborn clothes. Granted, many of these things will be easily rectified in the next month or so. There's a crib shortly to be on order and the family cradle needs only to be pulled out of storage and dusted off by my sister. A baby shower and loving family will provide many of the needs we have. But the state of not having them, of not even having a nursery yet in which to put them, makes me feel very under-prepared. And I wonder if three months will be sufficient to get ready. I'd like to think we'll be in a new home by the time Elizabeth arrives, but who knows what the Lord's will is in that? There just seems to be a long list of things to do before her arrival: sell the condo, attend a child-birthing class, packing lists, check lists, prenatal appointments now every other week... the list goes on, but putting it "all down on paper" seems a little daunting.
And so, rather than getting my to-do list done this morning, I am yet again ruminating on the time we have left. It's been a mantra in my mind since my prenatal appointment yesterday. Three months left, three months left.... Both, where has the time gone? And, how much longer is this going to take?
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