If my people...

You know this verse, don't you?  It comes up often, especially on these new-fangled word/photography combo-pictures that are becoming so popular on blogs and Facebook.  (I've heard them called memes, but upon looking up that word, I'm not sure if that's the correct terminology or not.)  However, if you haven't seen it somewhere, if you aren't as familiar as I'm assuming you are, here it is in it's full:

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.    -2 Chronicles 7:14

I hear this verse so often.  It may be ironic that I hear it most often around election time.  Its frequency could almost make it into a cliche...

However, it is on my heart.  Earlier this month I published my five prayers for the new year.  At that time I'd committed myself to praying daily.  Oh, and I do.  I pray a little here.  I pray a little there.  I pray every night as I'm drifting off to sleep.  But neither prayer nor the Lord has my full, undivided attention.  I'm always doing something else.  Like dishes.  Or going to sleep.  I fulfill my commitment by the letter but not the spirit of the Law.

And then I read this blog posting from TUMI (The Urban Ministry Institute).  Please, read it.  Go, now.  I don't even mind if you don't finish my own post, if you will read it.


Convicting, yes?  It even has that nifty verse at the top.  But seriously, it hits the bulls-eye on the matter.  It sums up everything in my mind the past few months, except I've not had opportunity to drive a woman to rehab or to help a young man fill out a resume.  (Where can I sign up to be so useful?)  

And then, within a few minutes, there was this dropped into my inbox, Ann Voskamp's call to be a radical Christian right where you are.  You can go read it, too.  I'll wait.

It hits all the questions I've had the past several months.  Maybe the past few years since my active role in ministry in any form has shrunk as my duties at home have grown with each successive child.  I long to minister, to serve the Lord in a tangible way.  I see my children as my first ministry.  Don't doubt that.  I know and feel the importance of their upbringing.  But I don't think I am supposed to hide behind my role as mother, to allow it to become an excuse for not serving in the church in any capacity.  We are called to serve, not just our Jerusalems (our families), but outside the familial bonds as well.

I've felt powerless, useless, and unworthy to serve in my inner city church, to be a student in the local TUMI classes because I don't do such things as Adria Medlen does, that I don't reach thousands of readers and have opportunities to travel as Ann Voskamp does.  I know God has pulled on my heart strings to be in prayer, earnest prayer.  But is that really enough?  It seems so little.  It feels like a cop-out.  But the point that it is hitting home to me is that any and every endeavor should begin in prayer.  It should begin in a time seeking God, seeking His face and His will and His wisdom.  I know that my call at this time is to pray.  But how can I hear any other calling if I am not sitting at His feet, ready to listen? How can I develop His eyes to see what needs to be done and to tap on His power to extend beyond myself and my own means to do it, if I am not spending daily, concentrated time with him?

I'll confess, my first reaction was this: Where will I find the time?

Already, I rise at 4:00am to have study time and to workout with my husband.  The study time is technically supposed to be an hour long with time to pray.  But when you factor in that I nurse my son, do a few toiletries, and change into workout clothes before going to my study, you'll realize I lose twenty minutes there, if I wake up with my alarm.  And then it takes me a good ten minutes before  my head is on straight enough to open my Bible or even think.  The minutes slip away so that I have only a few, and I study.  My children are almost always awake by the end of the workout, or shortly after.  From then on I am running, running, running.  Running to get milk and breakfast, to change diapers, to change clothes, to clean up messes, to provide preschool, to load up the kids to go to our various activities and commitments....  The list goes on, as it always does in motherhood.  Naptime comes and I finally get a shower and then there is food to prep, a kitchen to clean, laundry to fold...

Where will I find the time?  I have that book, "Too Busy Not to Pray", and I know all the advice.  My head pounds it into my heart every day.  And yet, I spent a few minutes on the edge of my couch, rocking my infant son back and forth and thinking, "Where will I carve the time?"

But if His people will humble themselves...

I am His person.  I am His.  I need to humble my agenda, perhaps humiliate it if necessary, and take the time to pray.  Let the dishes rot in the sink.  If I want baggy, saggy camel knees like John, I need to kneel down and do it.  If I want to be known to be reliably praying every day like Daniel, I need to carve out the time and do it.

Will you do it with me?  Are you His person, too?  Have you found the time and the place that is uniquely His?  Will you find the time, make it, carve it out for just Him and Him alone?

Find me next week, same place and time, and I'll let you know how I do.     

5 Prayers for the New Year.

It's a new year.  I like new years: they're like new days.  "Fresh with no mistakes in them," as Miss Stacy would say.  Every year I've made a bevy of resolutions to try to better myself in the new year.  "This year, I'll do things differently," I think.  And I'm not different than anyone else: my resolutions rarely make it past June.

This year I've made only real resolution: to be more disciplined.  It's vague, and all the experts say that viable resolutions need to be specific to succeed.  It has no timeline or deadlines; again, experts urge those so that you can see your progress.  However, I really do think it's more likely to happen.  Because even if I create and keep one new habit in the new year, I've kept my resolution.  Cheating?  No.  Making it real and really happen.

I didn't get past the whole year-in-review/dream-for-the-future session I do every New Year's without making some goals, though.  However, I'm keeping them to myself.  I'd rather not publicly face-plant this year, thank you.  Instead, I'm sharing with you the five prayers I'm adopting for the new year.  These are on my heart and will be on my list every morning.

1. Lord, may I be intentionally and wholly your disciple this year.
What this means is that I want to intentionally pursue God, be devoted to following His precepts, to purposefully spend time with Him.  The Bible promises that if you seek, you shall find.  God rewards those who seek Him.  It's is desire that we do indeed seek Him.  And I intend to do that.  I hope to desire what He desires; to mourn what He mourns.  I don't have any allusions that I will suddenly become pious and wonderful and wise.  But if the mirror that is my life reflects a little clearer, my prayer will be answered.

2. Lord, may I train my children in your ways.
My prayer every night before I close my eyes is for my children's salvation.  It is the cry of my heart that my children will love God, know Him, desire to please and follow Him.  I pray they will be His disciples.  A good portion of that will start with me: showing my love for Him, living out a life of discipleship before them, intentionally telling them the Good News and teaching them the character of God.  I will need to train myself so that I can in turn train them.  And to be in consistent prayer for them daily.

3. Lord, give me a love for this neighborhood.
I live in The Box.  It's a designation given to a specific area of my hometown by our police force, known for it's gang activity.  You have to know (especially if you're from my town) that the character of this area should be taken on a block-by-block basis.  My block is actually pretty nice.  Almost all the homes are well-kept and it's quiet.  However, a few blocks over is a park that is gaining a reputation for violence after dark.  It's only been a few weeks since our community was shocked by the shootings of two police men at my neighborhood grocery store.  A councilman claimed this store was safe; a woman on Facebook, who does not live in this area, vehemently disagreed.  I've shopped there often, my husband always goes there after dark, and we've never had a problem.  The people are good and friendly; those who live outside this area have given it a nickname, designating it as the ghetto store.  All of this is to say, my area has a reputation, both earned and spread by rumor from those on the outside.  It's easy to get scared, to feel unsafe.  A woman in our church whom I admire has told me several times that it's no accident that we ended up where we did.  There are times I kind of want to join the middle class flight to the suburbs.  And yet I also feel a fierce desire to defend my neighborhood and to denounce that advice to seek out "nicer" neighborhoods from those outside this area. I don't think that's where God is leading at this time, to leave.  So my prayer is to love this neighborhood.  To love the blocks beyond my own. To be bolder about reaching out (I'm a shy and reclusive person by nature).  To see this area through the eyes of Him who made the people who live here.

*Note: I hadn't really intended to be so open about my neighborhood or my feelings about it.  It really deserves it's own blog post and maybe I'll get around to writing it someday.  For now, just know that this is where I feel we are to be, if for no other reason that I am called to pray.

4. Lord, teach me to love my job.
I don't want to open the can of worms  here on the whole "Do stay-at-home moms work?"  Let's just end the conversation with: yes, we do.  My job right now is to raise and care for my young children and to clean our house.  Though it has it's ups-and-downs, I love the first part of my job.  I love being at home with my kids, and though I know it's going to be very challenging, I'm looking forward to homeschooling and being actively involved in my children's education.  The second part... not so much.  Many days, not at all.  It's no secrete I have no love for cleaning.  It's dirty.  It's gross.  The results are temporary at best.  It's a never ending cycle, and that's probably what I hate the most.  Is that as soon as it's done, it's got to be done again.  Dishes: never-ending.  Laundry: where is the bottom to this pile, anyway??  Bathrooms...  My prayer is that, if I can't learn to love to clean, at least learn to love serving my family by doing it.  I don't believe our house has to be absolutely totally clean for happiness.  If I leave a few crumbs under the couch today, it won't be the end of the world.  However, I recognize that we are more relaxed, more comfortable, more productive as a family if the house is mostly clean and picked-up.  It's my job to serve my family in such a way, and I pray I will learn to love it.

5. Thank You, Lord, for Your great goodness.
I want this year to be a year of gratefulness, intentional gratitude.  My daily prayer will be to thank God for everything He has blessed me with, with every little gift.  I am keeping a gratitude journal (nothing as cool and fun as you might find on Esty, though) and intend to list out my blessings from each day, perhaps even in the spirit of Ann Voskamp over at aholyexperience.com.  I hope to never ask without acknowledging what I have received.