We meet again, P90X

Last summer, I had a bit of success working my way through the ninety days of Beach Body's P90X program.  I'd heard it was intense, and there's no doubt to that truth.  It's now a few years old, and they've got new programs out like Insanity and even a P90X2 that may or may not be tougher.  At the time we bought it, I was a bit bowled over by the price.  It was the $$ I saw that motivated me to join my husband in doing it.  Nick wanted to do it to get fit.  I wanted to do it because I knew I needed to lose weight and I wanted to make sure this DVD set got used.  I managed to lose about 20 lbs in a little over 3 months, averaging just under a pound-and-a-half a week. 

Then I got pregnant.

Several months and a baby later, I'm still under my starting weight with P90X, but that's about all I can say.  So Monday, I'm starting P90X again.

There will be a few things different this time.  I'm hoping to make all my workouts first thing in the morning.  And by first thing, I mean before 5am.  I won't be doing them alone, either.  Now that we have the first floor of our house, our living room is actually big enough to accomodate Nick and I both working out, so we're doing it together.  I don't have much hope of keeping up with him.  He's bigger; he's stronger; he's actually starting over half-way through to help me find a way to fit it in.  (Isn't he a great hubby??)  However, I will be starting from a very similar point that I started before.  I was so uncomfortable at the end of my pregnancy that I found working out difficult; since Levi's been born, I've found it very difficult to fit workouts into my routine during the day.  This means I've done a bare minimum of exercise in six months, if you can call it that.

I'm nervous.  I've made weight-loss pushes in the past, done extremely well the first time around and lost a lot of weight.  First time this happened, I used the South Beach Diet to lose thirty pounds before Nick and I were dating.  I tried to do it again before our wedding to take off the last fifteen to twenty pounds I'd hoped to lose, and I failed.  I just didn't want to live on that diet again.  I'm nervous that's exactly what's going to happen with P90X.  What if I find it too hard to get up at 4am to work out with Nick?  What if I can't stick with the rigor of the exercise?  The first time I said, "P90X, you're not going to beat me."  What if I don't have the stamina to say that this time?

I'm putting this out there, and feeling like I'm kind of standing on a ledge.  One where it's easy to fall off, and where everyone will see it.  I had said in my post on resolutions that I didn't want to publicly face-plant this year.  I don't want really want to publicly face-plant by not following through with P90X.  But I also want to be honest: this is where I'm at.  I hate my body, the way it feels, the way it looks.  How I've lost so much strength and flexibility that I'd worked so hard to gain last summer.  And I want to do it again.  I guess I'm just hoping that by putting it out there, it will strengthen my resolve to "get it done".  To, as Tony Horton puts it on nearly every video, "Do my best and forget the rest."