What a week!

I will not lie to you: I have been a crazy person this past week.  I have cried just about every day.  Part of the problem has been a complete lack of sleep, but I get ahead of myself.  It's been a rough week.

This past week Eliza has been sick.  Not just passing sick, but fussy, congested, coughing, can-barely-breathe (literally) sick.  It began a week ago today as a slight cough and runny nose.  But she's had congestion for months.  Then it got worse.  And worse.  And worse.  By the time Monday rolled around and we took her to her "well-child" appointment at the doctor's, she was wheezing and you could see her ribs when she dragged in her breath.  Not good.  The doctor didn't seem too concerned when she first came in.  And then her demeanor changed when she listened to Eliza's chest and watched her work her little tail off just to breathe.  (And all the while Eliza still looked around with her big bright eyes and smiled at all the nurses.  Spunky kid.)  We ended up coming home with a nebulizer and prescriptions for albuterol and prednisone.  The term RSV had been thrown out.  We were given a form on bronchialitis.  I was a mess.

You see, my nephews have both had these things: Jim bronchialitis and Mikey RSV.  Mikey was in the hospital.  This was not something I wanted for my daughter.  This was especially not something I wanted for my daughter when I didn't know how we would ever pay for it.  It was exactly what I had been praying would not happen. I admit, I didn't handle it well.  God and I had "words".  Yes, "words."  And I cried.  A few times I silently "screamed" just from the stress, the discouragement, the frustration, and the lack of sleep.  It felt like a kick in the teeth after everything else that has happened.

But James tells us, "Consider it all joy, brothers, when you experience trials of various kinds."  What?  What is he thinking?!  But I knew it was to be true.  And I knew my attitude was not what it should be towards my Lord and God.  It took a time of very heavy reflection.  And it took a great deal of beating a raging beast within me into submission.  I am not God and I ought not be.  So then, what makes me think I know what is best?  I definitely don't know what's best coming out of this, but I have learned to say these words with a great deal of sincerity:

"You give and take away,
 You give and take away.
 My heart will choose to say,
 Lord, blessed be your name."  (Blessed Be Your Name, Tree63)

Blessings that have come this week: our doctor, despite a lack of insurance, has truly taken care of us.  We can afford the nebulizer treatments and the steroid.  She's set us up with state-funded shots so that Eliza stays current on her immunizations.  Also, Eliza took her shots like a champ, taking the stress out of the situation for Mommy.  (God involved?  Definitely!)  She does not actually have RSV, just a really bad cold and is on the mend.  And I hope I no longer have to fear RSV because I've stared down that barrel and survived.  And my daughter will be okay.

I have more posts in the works.  Some titles I'm thinking of:  "The Ugly Green Monster" and "God is good, right?"  Maybe even "Something to Talk About" but I don't like it. Now, I just need to find the time to work on them...