It's been a rather dastardly week. There is some not pretty stuff going on around here, and though it doesn't involve me directly, it hurts me. I hate seeing believers act in such a manner. I hate to see the Body of Christ hurt itself. Come on, we're not perfect people, and those who think we should be or shut up need a reality check. But still, it hurts when you see strife or hurt or disappointment in those you love and care about. When you see people hurt others. This has been a stressful, disappointing, burdening, discouraging week. And ironically, it comes before CIY.
If you're not familiar with CIY, it's Christ In Youth conference. Technically the summer high school conference is called Move, but I refuse to call it that. It is often the most difficult week for me, going with our high schoolers where spiritually we adults are overworked and underfed. Why do I go, you ask? Because I love these kids. I care about them. I care about their lives and about their walks with Jesus. And they love CIY. They important decisions at CIY, they deal with crud at CIY... Why they wait until then to deal with these things, I'm not totally sure I understand or approve. But if I can help at all, I want to be there, even if all I can do is pray. This seriously is a tough week for me: I've been chewed out by parents during this week. I've been chewed up and spit out by students, other adults. This is the time of year every year when I think about giving up youth ministry. And I don't. Why? Because I love my God.
I spent a lot of time in prayer over this over the course of a year, because I was often discouraged, often beaten down, and often questioning if I had any value to youth ministry. I never spoke about it, because I have always been afraid that there would be parents who would come to me and say, "Yeah, you're horrible. I think it would be better if you left." I was afraid the people I worked with would tell me something similar, like I did more harm than good. I began to wonder if I was in the wrong place, and if God didn't really want me to move on. But I loved serving Him and I loved these kids. What was I to do?
Eventually, I came down to this conclusion: I serve God when I do ministry, and I serve for Him. I do it out of love for Him and a desire to honor Him. If I had to boil it down to one reason, that would be it. I don't serve for the sake of myself, or for the sake of others, though I do want to serve others for their benefit, if I am able. Now, that is not to say that God couldn't use me somewhere else than the youth group, and I began to consider if there were anywhere else I might go. Through a lot of prayer, I came to the conclusion, that no, this is where God has me for now. I got into youth ministry because God backed me into that corner, and He hasn't exactly let me out yet. I've had a very, very small handful of people who have come and encouraged me in that area and affirmed to me that I can be of use.
So I look at this week coming up and think about how I am tired, burdened, discouraged, and broken before going, and exhausted, did I mention exhausted? That's not a great beginning for what often is a draining week. Why is this happening? I firmly believe it's spiritual warfare going on. There was one year where spiritual warfare was directed at the adults, and it hasn't seemed to let up yet. Every other adult in our group that I've talked to so far has had a difficult week: trying in various kinds of ways. I honestly believe we're being attacked, we're being hindered before we even step foot within the conference.
I could say that, like the movie, I would stand up and yell out the window, "I'm as mad as all get out, and I'm not going to take it anymore!" (I actually wouldn't use the actual quote verbatim.) But I don't think that's the exactly the right approach. So, if you read this, will you be praying with me? Pray for spiritual protection for our crew this next week, physical safety, emotional well being. Pray for most of all for the students, that they would not be burdened and that there would be no road blocks to their time with the Lord. Pray for our youth pastor, that his love and patience and wisdom would shine that week. Pray for our adults, too, that the spiritual attacks would not hinder them in their ministry, in showing love, and in their ability to worship at the feet of Jesus as well. Pray for a hedge of protection. Our fight is not against flesh and blood or any human being, but our spiritual enemies. And if you look in that text, you'll see that we are called to pray and called to stand. So please, stand with me and pray for us this next week. And may the Mighty Lord prevail.
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