I don't know which it is, but it's sad. This morning I got up with Nick (shortly before six) to do a few things and then ended up back in bed, unable to go back to sleep. As I was laying there watching him get ready, he suggested some things I could do, including writing on my blog. And I shrugged and said, "I don't really have anything to say at the moment." It's so true. And it's saddens me.
I haven't been writing much because I haven't had much to write about. Our life is same-same: in holding pattern, waiting for the apartment bathroom to get finished so we can move, waiting for colder weather to come and cycle our clothing, waiting for energy to do the work I should, waiting for this, waiting for that, waiting, waiting, waiting.... It's not a lack of intellectual life: I've been reading and pondering, but none of those thoughts are really ready to share. They're really only half-formed. Eliza's not doing much new, just doing everything a little better. She stands up on her own more and more, though she still won't move away from a body or a piece of furniture. She chatters more, though she doesn't use any words, and we're still not sure if she's referring to us when she says "Mamamama or Dadadada." I'm waiting for Nick to get his route down more so I can spend more time with him. I'm waiting to move into town so we can have our own internet and I can use it when I'm free to use it more (though moments like this are very nice and I thank you, Mom and Dad!). Waiting to move into town so I can get the apartment settled, start cooking more, starting hosting.... Waiting for more time to pass as we wait for our sonogram to come closer, to find out what we're having, for my belly to swell and I'll actually look pregnant. Maybe I should change the title of this post!
I realize there are things that I can and should be doing and I do in fact get to them when energy allows. They are coming along slowly. I have space-bagged all my non-maternity clothes, as our closets will be less user-friendly and spacious at the new apartment. I have a pile of maternity clothes that are really only suited for big-belly time to take and stash in the back of one of those closets so we don't move everything at once. I have a home child-proofing kit ready to take to the apartment so that is done. I'd love to unpack my kitchen before we even move in, but I'm waiting for all the handy-man stuff and tools to get out of my kitchen! I have a list of items to buy to prepare the apartment closets, shelves, and drawers for proper use.
I'm just ready to be done waiting. My patience is about burned out. It's not even that I'm impatient with the work, I'm just impatient with patience. My dad and his friend are doing a marvelous job. My parents have put in lots of valuable work and Nick and I will get to finish several things up when we move in. It's just that, can we move in? Can I be done talking about the rennovation for awhile and done talking about the whole thing in the future tense? I'm ready to move on to the next phase.
Really, thank you for putting up with my little whine here. It should be soon, maybe even as early as next week, though I hesitate to count on that because every time I start counting on a move date... it gets pushed back by one thing or another. Patience is a virtue. And the Lord is giving me a great deal of opportunity to practice so I can flex mine.
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