Weight loss motivation, looking back and looking forward

I've been overweight before.  When I was in grad school several years ago now (really?  several years?), I lead a very unhealthy lifestyle.  I sat most of my time, reading required texts, writing papers, writing lessons plans for the part-time teaching gig I had, and grading papers.  Nearly my entire day was on my rear.  I also had a very tight food budget and little love for vegetables and a love for easy meals, which all combined to produce very unhealthy eating habits.  (The irony is that one of my roommates and good friends loved to cook healthy meals.  She was such an example, and I ignored it!  I now wish I had learned from her instead.)  So, much of my day looked like this: sitting around and eating junk.  Combine this with a great deal of stress, and my weight ballooned.

Not long after I left grad school and move home, I had a routine eye check-up for my glasses.  To my surprise, I was attended by a very good-looking, younger doctor, who then proceeded to ask me if anyone had ever talked to me about my weight and the risks it had for diabetes and eye degeneration.  Talk about mortification.  To this day, I wonder if he noticed that I noticed he was good-looking and if it contributed to his less-than-gentle delivery of such news.  I went home deeply embarrassed and my eyes opened to my new figure.  Round.  Everything about me was round: my face, my arms (not in a good way), my thighs, my tummy.  Even my hands and feet.

I still feel insecure when I think about that appointment, but it served its purpose.  It gave me strong motivation to lose weight.  My grandmother had died from complication of Type II Diabetes.  I researched my chances, and according to the American Diabetes Website, my chances were only moderate.  Mr. Good-Looking Doctor had lead me to believe they were a basic certainty.  I researched what weight would take me to zero chance, what was within healthy parameters, including my BMI, and set a goal.  A friend of mine had just gone on South Beach and I checked out a book and hoed in.  It was hard, but I stuck to my guns.  My determination astounded coworkers when we went on work lunches: I drank diet soda if not water and skipped all the goodies on salads, leaving the yummy fried taco bowl and sour cream on a taco salad once.  I had that doctor's voice and face in my head.  And I lost 35 lbs.

Today, I find myself in a similar place.  I weigh very similar weight, but for slightly different reasons.  My pregnancy is not all to blame, but it can take some of it.  I have similar reasons to lose the weight: I may not need to impress single men, but I like to look good for my husband.  And I want to avoid diabetes: I have two children to be healthy and well for.  That doctor's comments, and more his cold expression, still bother me, but his power has waned.  After all, who wants Mr. Good-Looking Doctor when I have Hotty Hubby?  So that burning motivation my take a little bit more work this time.

Here's what I've done:  I've taken two "before" pictures of myself.  Not in regular clothes, but in leggings and a tank top.  You can't hide in clothes like that.  When my regular computer is at last fixed and running, I intend to set them as my background with the caption, "Make this look good."  That is, after all, my goal.  I want to look good in leggings and tank top and not feel embarrassed to wear them around my own house.  Never fear, though, I won't wear them out of the house.  This, then, is my incentive to change.  To remind myself that I can look good and I can reach that goal.  The picture I have in my head that I want to achieve isn't perfect, but it's healthier, and that's what I want.  Second, I've arranged with my husband to give myself a reward when I make it to that goal.  It's not huge nor really expensive.  I simply want a professional to color my hair.  It's not something I would normally pay for and it sounds like fun.  It could get really pricy and I don't plan to go overboard (treat yourself, not blow the bank on yourself), but it's something I'm excited about.  And I'm willing to work towards it.  The last bit of motivation is that I intend to keep a journal,  record really, of my progress, and I mean to make it show some.  I'm almost more excited about that. I don't intend to track it weekly, as that could be discouraging, but I want to give myself an opportunity to see that progress.  So, I have to start somewhere.

The one last thing that I am doing is not necessarily motivation, but it is support: prayer.  I am asking, that if it might align with His will, that the Lord will grant me success and uphold me in this.  I admit, the biggest reason I want to lose weight is I'm tired of feeling negative towards my reflection and my body.  Another, though, is to honor the Lord.  I have been given stewardship of this body and I've been doing a really poor job of it.  I haven't taken care of it, and I should. It's one of the many gifts He's given me.  So, it is my prayer that the Lord will bless me as I try to lose weight and become more healthy, as I try to create a new lifestyle, and grant me the year to do it in.  And that from this day I will continue to be a good steward of my body.

So far, I've taken the pictures.  Now its time to write down my measurements so I can start keeping record of change.  Please, Lord, grant me success and wisdom in this venture so that I might better serve you with my heart and body!