October is what I call the 31 Days month as the Nesting Place hosts a 31-Day series on any topic a blogger chooses to write. Every day for the month of October said bloggers will post an article on their chosen topic. Topics range from sewing, kids' play ideas, recipes, writing, organizing, decorating, books... Just about anything you might find a blog featuring.
Today is Day 2. Clearly, I'm not participating as anything more than a reader.
One of the series I've following out of the multitudinous options is one on a fresh start in blogging. You can find it here. It's gotten me to thinking. The first post discusses boundaries, but at the end she quotes this Scripture:
“For which one of you, when he
wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost
to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’” Luke 14:28-30
This is how I'm beginning to feel about this blog.
Writing in it has been spotty for a long time, I will freely confess. Whenever I have made goals or objectives, I've failed to complete them. I rarely find or take the time to sit down here and write, and many times when I do there are a volley of factors that do me in. Do I really have anything to say? Do I really have time to sit down and write? Do I have the mental capacity, at this moment in time, amidst exhaustion and pain from what I suspect is developing into a serious sinus infection, forget all the trappings of an ordinary day of feedings, diaper changes, toddler battle-of-the-wills...? Not to mention that I often feel like I'm writing in the dark. Not in a dark, enclosed space or without any idea of what I'm saying, but that I have so little feedback, does anyone read my blog at all? The niggling "Does anyone care" question comes in here. Does it matter if no one reads my blog?
I feel as if I've begun this, and now I'm not sure if I can "finish" it. I've had failed attempts before. (I've even failed to erase them from the blogosphere.) Am I just failing now?
I began this blog on a whim. I could easily end it on one. It is so easy, when facing the fear of failure, to simply walk away. Once, in college, I confessed to a young man, who I will admit I had a romantic interest in at the time, that my biggest fear was failure. His response shook me a bit. He considered me handicapped by this fear (aren't all fears a handicap?) because I would never attempt anything because of that fear. I didn't agree: I didn't see myself as never attempting anything because of my fear; I hoped I was brave because I attempted despite my fears. Regardless of whether I was right or wrong, I suspect that I lost what little respect this guy had for me. I never had a chance of dating him, anyway, but after that conversation we rarely talked at all. Of course, that turned out for the best: I married a great man. I have no regrets. I'm seeing now, though, that the fear of failure doesn't often keep me from attempting things, but it sometimes keeps me from finishing them. I fear that I have already failed, and perhaps it is best to concede and move on.
Reading through this series on a fresh start on blogging has be considering taking a hiatus here. I could read her posts, do the challenges, and come back with a fresh perspective. But when I haven't really been blogging, anyway, is it really a hiatus? Really what I'm saying here is I don't have an action plan. But I wanted to write and to be honest with where I'm at. Do I enjoy blogging? Yes, when I do it. Do I really have an aim in blogging? Other than to do it... nope?
Let's just take this one day at a time. My goal, right now, is to blog tomorrow. See you here? Similar time, same place.
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